REPUBLICAN VAMPIRE TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012!

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CBS has reported that 45 year-old Florida native, Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey — who claims to be a direct descendant of Vlad II the Impaler, better known as Dracula — has announced his intention to become the nation’s first vampire president.

Sharkey is scheduled to officially announce his plans at a Monday press conference in Tampa, then plans to file paperwork to run for President of the United States in 2012. He recently switched his party affiliation from Independent to Republican so he can run with the G.O.P. He also ran for Governor of Minnesota in 2006 and had short-lived bids for U.S. Senate in 2000, U.S. President in 2004, and U.S. President in 2008.

In an interview with CBS affiliate WTSP, Sharkey shared his opinions on capital punishment, the abortion issue, veterans issues and also bragged about having numerous teen-aged girlfriends in recent years.

These girlfriends include (though aren’t limited to) a 16-year-old former fiancee from Minnesota, who he was accused of “brainwashing,” and his new fiancee, Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old “vampire” from Ohio who he met online:

“I haven’t dated a girl older than 19 since 2006… it’s good to be me.”

Sharkey was once on the Executive Committee of the Hillsborough Co. Republican Party (HCRP) in the 1990s, but A.J. Matthews, HCRP State Committeeman, says he didn’t show any of the extreme behaviors he’s exhibiting now. Mathews claims that he has been trying to advise his fellow party member to focus on mainstream issues and away from the extreme behaviors:

“He does believe in Republican values… is he going to make a big splash with his current identification of being a vampire? That’s up to the voters to decide.”