MYSTERY GOO FALLS ON NEW YORK!

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The Mail has reported that the FAA has launched an investigation after puzzling, smelly greenish-yellow “goo” fell from the skies and splattered homes in Snyder, New York on January 18th, 2011.

Homes along Washington Highway and Berryman Drive were coated in yellow or green icicles. Walls and pavements were splashed with a bizarre deep brown substance. Neighbors said the mystery substance appeared between the hours of 9 am. and midnight and that they’re worried that it may be toxic.

The color and texture of the goo immediately sparked fears of “blue ice” — frozen human waste–which has been known to fall from airplanes passing overhead. However the FAA swiftly launched an investigation and discarded that possibility. An FAA spokesman stated:

“The local flight standards inspectors investigated the situation and determined it was not from an aircraft.”

The Snyder town waste engineers said they are looking in to it, but they have already come across some rather distasteful theories such as the fecal remains caused by seagulls eating fast food litter. Lisa Kistner, a spokesman for the Amherst Town Supervisor’s Office, said:

“We received a call this morning from a woman who owns a house on the same street, Washington Highway. She gave us her explanation because it happened to her last year. She said it’s actually because the seagulls eat fast food at McDonald’s, which upsets their digestive tract.”

Ornithologists at Cornell University conceded that the goo could possibly be bird droppings, but do not believe that seagulls are responsible for the mess, though European starlings may be culpable. The Ivy League scientists are still conducting tests.

It is difficult not to consider the possibility that this strange — and, as yet, UNCLASSIFIED — substance may be from OUT OF THIS WORLD, as there have been numerous cases of bizarre, unearthly ooze descending from the sky. The most notable recent example being the mysterious “Red Rain,” which fell in India in 2001 and contained cells unlike any found on Earth.

Whether this slimy goo comes from birds, planes or alien lifeforms, the residents of Snyder, New York are just hoping that this never happens again.

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