MYSTERY MONSTER EVADES CAPTURE… AND HAS A MATE!

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The Democrat and Chronicle has reported that the unknown animal, which has burrowed its way into an upstate New York woman’s home has yet to be snared by the traps, which were set by a local university and even more disturbingly… it apparently has a partner in crime.

Rochester homeowner, Gwen Byrd — who has been terrorized by a bizarre, hairless, wrinkled, rodent-like creature that “walks like a dog” for almost three years — claimed that the creature had yet to be caught by the traps set by University of Rochester researchers. The team, led by associate biology department professor Vera Gorbunova, hopes to study the as yet UNCLASSIFIED varmint.

The furor began when Byrd’s granddaughter, Chardine’e Hunt, photographed the bizarre animal outside Byrd’s house on Flora Street earlier this month, finally proving its existence. In the weeks that have followed the University’s investigation, not only has the creature not been caught, but Byrd and her friend Greg Payne have identified a second “smaller” and “paler” beast. According to Payne:

“I was standing right there and it wasn’t running from me. I almost ran from it… I thought it was a rat, but when it moves, it rises up and then it just walks like a dog.”

Since a story broke scores of theories have poured in as to the identity the creature. The speculation ranges from the world’s largest rodent the capybara, to a hairless woodchuck, to the notorious blood-sucking creature known as the CHUPACABRA. Others suggest it might be a naked mole rat, a hideous-looking rodent known to live in East Africa.

A half-joking “wanted” poster now hangs on Byrd’s side door. The sign says Byrd’s offering a $7 reward for the capture of the creature she has dubbed “Dimples.”

Until one of the traps is sprung, the origins of these creatures will remain a mystery and, sadly, Byrd will have to continue to live in fear:

“I just really want this thing out of here.”

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